When I was told I could no longer take meds I felt lost. Then I had to feel the pain of actually coming off of them. It was a true living hell. I couldn’t move. It hurt worse than before I started the medication. My body could not handle the abrupt end of the regimen I’d been on for years. It took six months of brutal agony before I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was about a year before I could survive a day and feel remotely normal. Trying to start exercising took an additional six months and was an excruciating battle. I’d do ten minutes of anything and it’d take ten weeks to recover.
I can not find the words to describe the pain I dealt with. Everyday I tried to convince myself that the next would be better and as each day passed and it wasn’t it grew harder to convince myself it every would.
I wrote this while suffering so I’m not sure it will make sense to everyone but it’s truly from the frustration and pain I was feeling.
If you can keep your kewl
while all seems to be lost.
If you can trust yourself without doubt
but consider all the possibilities.
If you can wait and not get tired of waiting
and still fight for every moment.
If you can dream of what can be
and work to make it true.
If you think and not obsess
then set it all aside.
If you can meet your struggles head on
and treat them as just another day.
If you can bear to hear the truth
twisted by fools who blame
or watch things you gave your life to be broken
yet stoop and build them up while worn down and ragged.
If you make every effort
only to risk it on a chance
and lose and start again at the beginning
yet not let your loss consume you.
If you can force your heart and nerve
to serve you and not succumb to fear
and hold on when there is nothing left inside you
except a tiny voice saying Stand Tall!
If you can talk with fools who don’t understanding
and not let their words hurt you.
If you never allow hatred in
but stand by those that love you instead.
If you can feel loss with hope
and moments of peace.
You’ll be the master of A.S.
and all it tries to take
will be but a worthless strife.