No More Meds

When I was told I could no longer take meds I felt lost.  Then I had to feel the pain of actually coming off of them.  It was a true living hell.  I couldn’t move. It hurt worse than before I started the medication.  My body could not handle the abrupt end of the regimen I’d been on for years.  It took six months of brutal agony before I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It was about a year before I could survive a day and feel remotely normal.  Trying to start exercising took an additional six months and was an excruciating battle.  I’d do ten minutes of anything and it’d take ten weeks to recover.


I can not find the words to describe the pain I dealt with.  Everyday I tried to convince myself that the next would be better and as each day passed and it wasn’t it grew harder to convince myself it every would. 


I wrote this while suffering so I’m not sure it will make sense to everyone but it’s truly from the frustration and pain I was feeling.


Hold On


If you can keep your kewl

    while all seems to be lost.

If you can trust yourself without doubt

    but consider all the possibilities.

If you can wait and not get tired of waiting

    and still fight for every moment.

If you can dream of what can be

    and work to make it true.

If you think and not obsess

    then set it all aside.

If you can meet your struggles head on

    and treat them as just another day.

If you can bear to hear the truth

    twisted by fools who blame

    or watch things you gave your life to be broken

    yet stoop and build them up while worn down and ragged.

If you make every effort

    only to risk it on a chance

    and lose and start again at the beginning

    yet not let your loss consume you.

If you can force your heart and nerve

    to serve you and not succumb to fear

    and hold on when there is nothing left inside you

    except a tiny voice saying Stand Tall!

If you can talk with fools who don’t understanding

    and not let their words hurt you.

If you never allow hatred in

    but stand by those that love you instead.

If you can feel loss with hope

    and moments of peace.

    You’ll be the master of A.S.

    and all it tries to take

    will be but a worthless strife.



hold on



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